Brett Baldwin

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“Nice Guys Finish Last.”

I have unfortunately been the epitome of this statement. In my time, I have been cheated on, dismissed and utterly disappointed in myself from what others believed of me. But never in my life had I realized this statement to be more accurate, until recently.

I would like to peg myself as a romantic.  Unfortunately, that also means I do enjoy being in a relationship.  I found myself wandering around flower shops thinking of someone I could buy flowers for.

One of my most recent relationships, I finally thought that I had found the one.  I even had a bank account set up for a ring.  Granted, I am young, (turned 26 this year) but I truly believed I found someone special.  Turns out… I was not the only one.  We held onto a long distance relationship for 2 years of the total four.  It wasn’t until a week prior to her moving back that she broke things off with me. Devastated, I sought friend’s advice. This friend told me, “Don’t give her up without a fight. This shouldn’t have just come out of the blue.”

So I fought. I put myself out there to figure out what it was that I had done: What drove us apart? It couldn’t have been the distance, I felt, because things seemed to go right when we were around each other. But she assured me she had been feeling distant and she just did not feel the same about me anymore. I was crushed. But somehow still felt some sort of hope.

A week later, I found the real reason as to why she wanted to break things off. Turns out she was with seeing a guy from work, while she was seeing me. A “drunken” encounter of hers led to me hitting rock bottom.

I wish I could say this was the first time this had ever happened to me.  But it’s not. I’ve been cheated on a few times, actually.  It lead me to wonder: Why do girls go for the “bad boy?” When all I hear is complaints from friends about how they’re treated, and how they need a nice guy in their life, guys like us were dismissed. 

I saw my ex girlfriend about a month later. I went to see a mutual friend for her birthday. I gave the birthday girl a hug and went to the bar to order her a drink. In front of me, was a group of guys who were adamant about keeping their bar seats. I ordered between them and awaited the drinks.  My ex and her friend actually started hitting on the group of guys that were in front of me. This was literally before my eyes. I dropped my head, grabbed the drinks, gave them both to my friend, proceeded to walk out the door and to the next bar.

It was after this encounter, that I finally had an epiphany. And I actually smiled as I met a few of my closest friends at another bar.

That people deserve to be happy.

But it is in that path to find that happiness that reveals one’s true character. For a long time, I did look down on myself.  I felt like if I had been cheated on this many time, then it must be me. Right?

Everything does have a silver lining.  Maybe one day I will find that person that cares about me the way I care about them. They say that nice guys finish last. And although I might have that time, I picked myself up, with the support of my friends and family (Including spending time with my twin nephews seen in this picture).  They made me realize it’s about time I finish first.

The funny thing is, if I could have changed my past, I wouldn’t. It’s our pasts that shape who we are today. After all that I got a new job, moved to the city, lost about 50 lbs and have really worked on turning my life around.  I may not have reached the silver lining yet, but I’m MUCH closer than I was.